and then there were 5

Since Deacon was little, we have [quote.unquote] prevented more kiddos.

We knew that we were in the midst of a life change when he was a tot and weren't really sure what the future might look like for us. We had kinda always said four was our number, so the idea was also around, but never a high priority. Last fall, it was time to have my IUD out because the time limit for it was drawing near.

We decided that we would just let it be. If God chose to give us more . . . great! 

If not, we love the ones we have and they're pretty freaking great.

But apparently, God wasn't done with us. And He obviously has a sense of humor.

And no, you're not seeing things.

There's two.

Here we go again.

haiti pt. 2 [every doorway bears a story]

Well, I think I've waited long enough to write the pt. 2, don'tcha think??!!

Getting back into the school grove takes me a little while, but I think I'm finally getting there. So, hence the blogging restart.

In the video collage that I made from this trip, I used the song "Sing Along" by Christy Nockels on Passion's White Flag album.
I used this song for many reasons, but the one line that I kept hearing over & over in my head is the line
 "every doorway bears a story."
My favorite part of being in Haiti were the walks around the local villages.
Because White Stone has been working in this area for a while, most people know these little mountainous communities like their own neighborhoods. It was really a neat thing to witness.
We'd walk up to a house & they would greet us with hugs & smiles.
They were quick to invite us through their doorway or bring chairs outside for us to sit on.

The walks are crucial to ministry there.
It lets you see, first hand, the poverty on this island.
It also makes you wonder what it would have been like to be Jesus.
When we would walk through, we would gather people along the way.
They just walked with us. Wanting to know what we were doing. Maybe we had something we could give them? Maybe they just wanted to see where we would go? Maybe they just needed to be reminded that God hasn't forgotten about them.
That's what Jesus did.
His life's story is about reminding us that God hasn't forgotten about us.

So, if I had to name a favorite part, it'd have to be the walks. Although, I'm certain that I develop what I've dubbed "Haitian Asthma" during these walks. Not to be mistaken for being out of shape, people. I'm thinking this is a real diagnoses.
But I'm not a doctor.

things I'm bad at

I struggle with vulnerability. It's really hard for me to admit to others my struggles, yet I seem to be content with carrying around a whole lot of guilt & shame because I'm afraid of what others might think of me, if I admitted that I'm weak. And tired. all. the. time. And numb. And strongly guarded. Even with my husband & my children. 

I can't cook . . .well. I can cook. You know your basics {ie:anything with cream of chicken or cream of mushroom soup} I'd love to be the wife & mom who fed her family super healthy meals for breakfast & dinner. But well, it's expensive & sometimes cereal is easier & eating out means not having to clean up. But, I try. I really make an effort. That's gotta count for something, right?! I resolute to changing this pattern all the time but apparently, I'm bad at keeping resolutions too. Ehh.

I sweat the petty stuff. I will analyze the most insignificant conversations I've had, wondering if I said something stupid, or rude, or weird. In crowds, I feel like everyone is out to get me or staring at me thinking I'm someone who doesn't have it all together. I'm the awkward dork who laughs at the wrong time & nods during conversations when I have no idea what anyone is talking about.

But, rest assured, I do not pet the sweaty stuff.

I wrestle everyday wondering if one.single.small parenting decision I've made will screw my kids up for life. That's when my loving husband reminds me that WE are their parents, so we can pretty much bank on that one.

Things I'm bad at . . . remembering that I have a Savior who's grace is big enough to cover all the things I'm bad at. He's the gap filler.

And He, well . . . He's really good at making good out of bad.  

[please excuse the blog break. life=crazy busy right now. i'm resulting to getting back on track . .  but we can see from this post, that may not come with any promise ;) ]

we'll take a cup o' kindness yet . . .

Kindness. That's definitely a word I'd use to describe this year for us; the kindness of the Lord & the kindness of the people around us. 2011 has been one for record books. We said goodbye to the only life we had known as a family & stepped into a new life back "home" in the east Tennessee hills. It's been a year full of good, bad and everything in between . . . but aren't they all? I feel as I get older, the old cliche' rings louder & louder . . . the time truly does fly by. I'm afraid they only speed up from here.

Thanks for following along here for another year. Here are the top 5 post from this past year:
We Interrupt this blog . . .
One December day . . .
Sophie & Ella's story {pt.1} pregnant??!! . . .
Whatever you do . . .
Mixed Emotions . . .

May 2012 bring us peace, joy & the goodness of the Lord - whatever that may look like.

May it be a year of His renown & the recognition of His glory.

He has told you, O man, what is good;and what does the LORD require of you

but to do justice, and to love kindness,and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8 {ESV}

one December day . . .

You may remember this post from a few weeks ago. Luckily, instead of a whole post, we were able to get an awesome video {Andy Coleman is the man!} to remember that December evening in Haiti - when a sweet, baby boy entered the world.
Here's the story . . . . 

{a little patience, it's a long video but worth it!}

{This video was sent home with all the lovely White Stone peeps to watch on Christmas -lucky you, with a sneak peak ;) }

Here's a few pictures from that night . . . they're all from phones, so quality is low . . .

Meet Roland . . . 

They were literally in the road . . .

Dr. Abby arrived! Said he looks perfect!

While Brock was the one there that day, Roland's birth has changed us all. He will forever be talked about at our house. I can't wait to go to Haiti to meet him. 

My hope is that the next few days, you'll remember how much a birth changed us all two thousand years ago - 

the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.

Merry Christmas!

sweet reminders . . .

It began during the night. Someone woke with a "tummy ache" but we knew the real reason for this 3am visit . . . her Daddy was leaving for Haiti in the morning and she was sad. She woke that morning for school with tears in her eyes, " I miss Daddy. . . . I know, me too Soph, but he'll be home soon and the people in Haiti need to hear about Jesus too. Guess what we get to do after school?" {Hoping my words would distract her from her sadness & make for an easy transition to school} "What??!!!", she ask. "We get to pick Pop & YaYa up at the airport! They're flying back in from their vacation in NYC! . . . Cool!" She replies, and I take a deep breath because I think I've saved the morning. Pat on back, Bethany!

The airport was fun & busy - Kayla had made the kids signs to hold {like they were Dad & Mom's taxi pick up - it was hilarious!} I could kick myself that I didn't get a picture of them holding their "Pop and Yaya Taylor" signs. They were all quite the spectacle at the gate. Lots of hugs & squeals were passed around, made a stop at the baggage claim, a walk through the parking garage {in which my children, I swear, always attempt to get hit by a car} and we were on our way.

We rode in silence for a few minutes, then I heard Ella's voice from the back seat . . .

"Mom, is Mildred {their great Aunt} in heaven?  . . . Yes . . . . So, does that mean we'll get to see her again one day? . . .  Yes and Mamaw Dorothy . . . . Really?? We'll actually get to meet our Mamaw Dorothy? and talk to her and stuff??!!! {Mind blown at this point in time}   . . . Yes . . . How do you get to heaven, Mom?  . . . Well, Ella, the bible says that if you believe Jesus was who he said he was, you believe he died for your sins and that you will try your hardest to live your life for him & following his commands, then when you die, you spend forever in heaven with him" . . . . Sophie chimes in at this point, "Wait a minute, we get to talk to Jesus and touch him??" {mind totally & completely blown at this point}

Just when I think this conversation couldn't get any better, the next one takes place. . . .

"Mom, how do know if Jesus is in your heart?  . . . There will come a time when you'll know that he is calling you. For me, I was sitting at church one day, hearing a lot of what we're talking about now - my heart began to beat really fast & I felt like I wanted to cry because I knew that Jesus had done all of this for me & that he loved me more than anyone - I knew that he was asking me to follow him that day - I knew that he was asking me if he could 'come into my heart' . . . . But how did you know, Mom . . . . I just knew girls, it's a feeling that you will just know. And I've been praying a lot for you to have that feeling - have you had that feeling yet?  . . . . No, but I do believe in Jesus but I have felt my heart beating fast in gym class, but I don't think that was Jesus :) . . . Well, one day soon, you'll have that feeling - come to me & Daddy and we'll pray. . . . . and then after that, we get to get 'babitized'!!

That conversation is one of the sweetest, most precious moments I've ever had with my children. {Because Deacon was chiming in too!} And I felt the voice of God say to me in that very moment, Bethany, you don't have to go to Haiti to tell people about me. In fact, your most important "Gospel sharing moments" will happen in this van & inside the walls of your home. 


That Tuesday afternoon was a much needed, ordained moment for me. I feel so often that I fail my children in so many ways. That I will mess them up or hinder them from God's calling on their life. It was solid reminder that day that their hearts are in his hands. When he's ready, he'll call. I'm holding to that promise all the while praying with all my might, that the One who is mighty to save will do just that for my three little ones & that they run their hardest after Him.

Here is our King. Here is our Love. Here is our God who's come to bring us back to him. 

He is the one. He is Jesus.

lining up today:

no privacy . . . .

Well, hello there! As you can see, we're not private. I changed my mind. I decided that I had no reason to do so. I hadn't done or said anything on here that I don't stand behind or feel was wrong. The choice to go private was made out of  anger & letting other peoples opinions of me out weigh who I am in Christ and what He thinks about me. Although, I do still think it can be a scary thing! And may change my mind again soon. :)
I will make no apologies for saying on here how grateful I am for His faithfulness to me & my family.
So, there you have it. I'm staying public for right now. And as my girl Lindsey said it, "Haters be hatin'!" So let 'em hate - I'll have no part in that.

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  

On to way better things . . . . CHRISTMAS is here! It's my absoluuuute favorite time of year!!! And I'm super excited because we are getting a real tree this year! We've never had a real tree! I'll have a whole tour post coming soon of our winter wonderland here at the Tharpe home . . . and I'll leave you with a sneak peek at a sign I made for our mantle . . . 

and the necessities needed for decking the halls . . . .

{Pandora+Starbucks=perfect combination}

Brock's in Haiti this week - 20 people from our church are spreading the Gospel throughout the mountains of Coq Chante & Belloc this Christmas season! Please pray for Haitians souls this week & a safe return for each of our people.

been a long time coming . . .

No, I'm not pregnant . . . that's not the "announcement"  - although I did feel a bit like Michelle Duggar with all the emails & text yesterday asking if Tharpe baby #4 was on the way :)
Here's what my "announcement" is :

I knew this post was coming. I've been burdened with this for months.
I'm am just plain over social media. Blogs, Facebook, etc. . . . they are scary things.
And here's why I think so. It lets people in your life, that are really not apart of your life.
It's good for keeping up with family and such, but couldn't we just call each other?  Or email? Or send a handwritten card?
This blog is a place for me to share about what's going on in our lives - whatever that may look like.
It's full of highs & lows & in betweens.
It's our life. It's our story and no one is forced to read it!
Recently, something that I posted on here was taken so out of context that it's quite comical, really.
In short, I was basically called out for sharing how blessed I feel to be in the season of my life that I'm in. I guess that's the scary side I'm talking about; it gives people the idea that they have some sort of platform in your life, that in fact, they do not have - the arrogance to assume that they know what your typing about, when in fact, that haven't got a fat clue! But you know what they say about assuming . . .

After praying & wrestling with this for a couple of months and because I still want to continue to document our story for our children, I will continue to update this blog with photos, updates & going ons of our family, but our{simple}life will be a private blog for the next little bit. I want the people who read our blog to people who genuinely care about our family & how God is at work in and around us. Our{simple}life will remain public for another week or so, and then will become a private blog, at least for the next few months. I will also be keeping my facebook profile {for now} - I'll just be doing a little maintenance.

I've been debating on doing this for a while because I will not let the Enemy use this site to cause unnecessary actions toward me or my family - I'd like to think that life is a whole lot bigger than petty things & that people have way more important things to do than to look for ways to be ugly to one another.

If you would like to continue to follow along on our journey, you can leave a comment on this post with your email address or email me at bethanytharpe@gmail.com to receive an invite.    

mixed emotions . . .

That's my feelings about this post. Very mixed emotions.
Why?

Brock and I made the decision to send Sophie & Ella to public school this year.
And I have, well . . . very mixed emotion.
Did I mention that already?!
Homeschooling has {will} be an adventure for us. It started out great and then life just kind of got in the way. Brock and myself were dealing with the unknowns of our future and then jumped right into this new stage of life at White Stone & to be honest, I just really fell off the homeschooling "band wagon." My days became more about packing and planning than teaching & disciplining - hence the reason why the girls behavior changed. School was sporadic & a nuisance. I had much bigger things going on and I slipped. I lost interest. It was {is} totally unfair to my girls. They are bright. Very bright girls. They also really appreciate routine and regularity and I failed them miserably. So when we found out where we would be living once we moved, I looked up the school they were zoned for. Great ratings. A top in the county. Lots of kids from our church go there. Even some of the teachers.
Hmmm??!! Maybe we should send them? And so our conversation & prayers began.
Brock {being the incredibly wise man that he is} sat on it for a while and then came back to me in agreement.
So, this coming school year, they'll be in school.
Real school. First grade and I'm very excited for them.
They are very excited. They talk about it all the time. They will love school.
But... I'm very sad. And disappointed in myself.
I feel that I've failed my girls. That I somehow don't love them enough to homeschool them. I read so many other homeschool blogs {which I have resolved to just stop reading right now because all they do is make me second guess myself!} by moms who seem to have it all together . . . and I never did when it came to their schooling {of course, having a curriculum would have help! a lot!} but I think my biggest upset is that fact that they will be own their own. It breaks my heart to think that they will be away, under someone else's watch several hours a day - I don't even want to think about the first time someone is mean to them. Or calls them a name.


But, like all things in life . . . this is only a season.
I will homeschool again. I will still homeschool Deacon for Kindergarten.
It's like the old saying goes . . "It takes a village  . . . " and right now, I'm needing help from the 'village.' The girls need to learn and be under another authority other than Brock and myself right now. I don't know how, but I know this is what they need right now. They need routine & consistency: challenged & taught. And I am at peace with that being from a teacher other than myself . . . right now.

So, if you will, join us in praying for a fulfilling school year for the girls. A year of great learning & nurturing. A year of protection from harmful antics or ugly words. And for us to have the wisdom to walk them through this journey.

Rain . . .

Rain. Torrential downpours. Cats & Dogs. Call it what you want.

It's what our NC {Pender County} friends need.

Badly.

{photo by my friend,  Lisa Wells,  near her home}

They have been battling this fire for weeks now.

And they need rain.

Will you join with our friends in praying for rain? 

It really is bittersweet . . .

Brock and Ella spent the weekend back in NC. He had agreed to do a wedding some time ago, so he and Ella headed that way for a whirlwind of a trip. I talked to him several times throughout the trip and the general consensus was that it was very strange. We've been gone long enough to have started a groove of life here . . . but at the same time, we haven't been gone long enough for everything around them to not seem so familiar. When I got off the phone one night a terrible sadness came over me. I started to think about the people and the places that were apart of our story for eight years. People that we love, dearly. Places that were 'our' places. With the chaos of our move finally slowing down, I find myself somewhat grieving over the life we left behind. I think because we technically 'moved back home,' everyone just assumes that we are thrilled. Not so much the case. We had incredible friends in NC. People who were just as close as family. People who we did life with for a long time. People who became staples in our days and weeks. Now granted, there were a few {gosh, I'd love to mention names here} that I was happy to say goodbye to - maybe that was a little harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts, but for the most part, we left a group of people in southern NC that will always feel like home to us. Our life there was basically the only married life we knew and it was the only life our children knew. Our life with them, at this moment, seems way more familiar and normal than our life here. Our old home still feels like home. I can still remember the sound the back door made when it was opened. I can hear my kids outside playing with the neighbors. I miss waving to my neighbors when they pulled in their driveways. I can still remember how to drive to our friend's houses. I can still smell the church. This doesn't at all mean we aren't grateful and excited to be where we are, it's just the way things seem {feel} right now. And the hardest part of all, is that life goes on. While I'm typing these words of grief over our past, they are all moving right toward the future and you begin to wonder how much you even mattered. I'm not trying to throw myself one big pity party or saying that I'm not totally & completely certain that we are exactly where we are suppose to be,  I just think that in the midst of trying to make sure that life stayed as 'normal' as possible for my kids, I neglected to deal with my own feelings about the move and the change. It is day to day trying and learning how to make the unfamiliar familiar. Turning strangers into friends. Remembering and cherishing the life left while reveling in the excitement that is a new journey for us. It is a hard balance to remember the past while looking to the incredible things to come. It is, at least for this moment . . . very bittersweet.

settling in . . .

Well . . . almost.
I'm starting to feel quite at home here in our new house. We've been here right at two weeks & I only have one box left to unpack. {and it's the box with all the dvd's that I'm wondering why even made the move in the first place??!!} And the once empty, big house now feels just like home - and this has been very good for our family.
Familiarity.
It's been, by far for me, the biggest adjustment with our move and while I know that I was raised here in Tennessee, it hasn't been my home in eight years. That's a long time. Things & places here are not quite ours yet. And we all are dealing with the somewhat sadness of knowing that the places we left will never quite be ours again. Deacon is still to young to really care or understand our move but the girls have had some issues. Sophie especially. She is a lot like me - she attaches to things tightly & she has had some bouts of frustration & sadness but doesn't really know how to tell us what she's feeling or what she needs . . . . which is probably, in it's basic form . . . familiarity.
Our first few weeks here were like a big vacation for them but now, Brock is busy with a new job, I'm busy with unpacking & getting our house is order while mixing in the fact that we are learning to do life with a whole new group of people right in the midst of the craziness that is summer - and until I sat down tonight to relax a bit, it had never hit me that I have yet to take the time to really talk with  my girls about how they are feeling. Are there things that they would like for us to do for them? In my Mommy mind, they are still babes who should just go with the flow that is our simple crazy life, but in reality, they are almost seven. They are little women. Little women full of emotions, feeling and insight and I have been very insensitive to that. When things go off the rail in my life, I turn to my Father. He is the one I have learned to trust - and in Sophie & Ella's little minds, Brock & I are the ones they have learned to trust, so now, in these hard, sad and uneasy times for them, I will be there for them. Ready to listen. Ready to offer advice. Ready to offer comfort with my words and my actions . . . because that is how my Father would 'parent' me.  God help me to mother that way that you father.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

Well, that post went in the total opposite direction that I had intended for it too. I was gonna tell you all about my 30th birthday and how it really wasn't that bad and how much we love our new church family and our house & how much fun I've had & will have decorating . . . but so it goes sometimes, I'll save it for another day . . . and this blog is, after all, somewhat journaling for me. It's therapeutic. And most of the time, I teach myself more through the words than anyone else.


So, I'll just leave you with a few random pictures from the week. {aka what the phones sees}










{yes, I realize it looks like Brock is flipping the camera off but he's actually holding up three fingers . . . you know for 30!}

8 years . . .

That's the amount of memories we have been packing up these last few weeks.
Eight years of highs & lows.
Eight years of sweet moments & hard moments.
Eight years of being North Carolinians.
Eight years of a blessed journey with a group of people who will forever be apart of our lives.
Eight years that gave us three babies.
Eight years . . . .

Saturday morning, we'll be picking up a {rather large} yellow truck & loading our past eight years onto that truck. We'll be saying goodbye to people who have been family for the past eight years. And while these moments are sad for us, we are thankful for the past eight years. Eight years that prepared us for the journey ahead. Eight years of learning and growing and sharpening us for the years to come.

With a sadness for today and an excitement for the future, we are thankful to you, Lord, for your mercy, faithfulness and provision over these last eight years. May you continue to be at the heart of everything we do.

 .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   

You can keep up with me the next week or so on Twitter - but stay tuned because there are some cool things coming up here at our{simple}life . . . . see you next week, from Tennessee!
.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

Live a little!

There is so much hoopla in the {Christian} world about budgets, finances & being free from it all that I really just don't get. Seems to me all this 'freedom' does is make people more of a slave to their money. It's time to live a little people. I totally agree with living in financial responsibility & that's something that we strive to do, but I will not let a budget control my life.
There are things & people in life worth spending your $ on. It's okay to not live under the constant weight of every dollar.
Too many of us control freaks women {and men} are so busy trying to 'stay within our budgets' that we are forgetting to live!

Spend money on your spouse.
Buy your daughter that $5 Barbie that she wants.
Take your son to get ice cream.
Go watch a baseball game.
Eat dinner out every now & then.
Live a little!

At the end of your life, the nest egg that you've tried so hard to build won't mean a single freaking thing if all you have to show for it is stress, anxiety & shackle marks from the chains of being a slave to your money. And you'll wish, more than anything, that you had taken those extra date nights with your husband.
And played with a hundred Barbies.
And ate ice cream until you hated it. {okay, is that really possible??!!}




My point is this, Jesus said that He came to bring us life, life to the fullest.
He also said that we can't have two masters - man can not serve both God and money. He also said that we shouldn't be anxious about tomorrow - so why do we focus so much of our time & money on it??

Are you too busy being a slave, that you've forgotten you are free to live life to the fullest?


{photo source}

letting go . . .

I have to let go. 

I'm holding on way too tight. 

Way to tight to my children. 

I worry {all the time} that my mistakes in raising them will ruin the rest of their lives. It's a constant that I think we all deal with.
And then the other night I realized that I am trying {with everything I've got} to claim & rely on Jesus for and in every aspect of my life - why would I not do the same for my children? I was forgetting that His grace, which is sufficient in every thing, is very much capable of repairing where I fail as a parent. 

Instead of fretting over their futures . . . 

Who they will be. What they will do. The mistakes they will make. The choices they will choose . . .  Instead of carrying that weight on my shoulders, I have finally realized, that I have to let it go. 

I have to let it go & pray. 

Pray. With all that is in me, that the all consuming Spirit of God will take hold of them. 

That His voice will both lead and convict them. 

That they will realize His love for them - a love that looks past the mistakes they might make into the good intentions of their hearts.

That they'll realize they have a Father that wants nothing but what is best for them.

These are truths I so desire for them.    

Living Legend . . .

Saturday morning, we spent several hours listening to the stories of a living legend. His name is Justin. He lives in a simple house in our little town of Rocky Point, but he . . . . he is a living legend.  Justin is a WWII veteran. He was part of a 10 man team on a B-24 bomber. I don't remember the correct title, but he was the man that sat in the nose of the plane & fired the two machine guns from that location.

I felt like a child as I sat there, hanging on his every word. The history geek inside of me was in full force as I listened to him tell stories of missions that should have ended his life but never did. He was always quick to pause in those moments & say, "But that was no coincidence. God knew. God had plans for me & I just hope I have lived my life the way He wanted me to." We gasped & laughed and teared up when he told us the story of how he met his wife, of 67 years, on a train in 1941- and how he told us that  "if there ever was a man & a woman that were one, it was me and her." {She passed away last August} I consider it an incredible honor and privilege to have sat in his front yard as he shared these amazing stories of a war that seems to have been deluded by the years. I'm glad that my children had the chance to listen to him talk - no history book could ever teach them what a few of his stories could. He is the kindest, most gentlest man you will ever met & I was incredibly blessed by his presence. 

sophie & ella's story {pt. 1}: 'pregnant??!'

I realized the other day that this blog was started after my pregnancy & the beginning of Sophie & Ella's lives - so I thought, why not start from the beginning? This blog is, after all, suppose to be the journal of our lives- a way for our children to look back on their childhood & who doesn't want to know how they got here?! So, here's the beginning of Sophie & Ella's story:

Brock's new job at our church started in July of 2003 but his insurance didn't kick in until January 2004, lucky for us, I had a few extra months of birth control pills, so we thought we'd be fine. In early January, I had called to set up an appointment with a doctor in our new town, but they were booked for several months, so I thought to myself, it would be okay to wait a few more months & try to reschedule then. Then the end of February rolled around . . . . and I began to feel weird. I've always believed that I have an undiagnosed condition which requires me to need more sleep than the average person, but I was extremely fatigued all.the.time. Beyond my normal. And then certain body parts began to hurt . . really bad. I tried to ignore it for a few weeks until one night,  my curiosity got the best of me, and I googled pregnancy symptoms - just to check, because surely I wasn't pregnant?? We weren't ready to have kids. We had lots of plans. Good plans. Plans that didn't include children. I mean sure, we wanted kids, eventually . . . but now?? Just 18 months into our marriage, 7 months into a new job & town {state, for that matter} Now? My readings only alluded to the fact that I was indeed pregnant, so on the way home from church that night, we bought 2 pregnancy test & drove home to our tiny little apartment - mostly in silence. I went in the bathroom, alone, did what I had to do & before I could even get my clothes situated back, two bright pink lines appeared. The conversation in my head went something like this . .  'The box says it should take up to 3 minutes, so of course, that one had to be defective, right?! Yeah, let's try the other one, it should work right. . . . ' Round 2. Same thing. Two bright pink lines appeared faster than I could flush. At this point, I don't remember much. I think I went into shock. I have always wanted children, but in that moment, I was completely and totally numb. I {we} were not ready for this.
I was already crying when I walked out to Brock- he spent the next few minutes looking at the test & reading over the box again . . .but there was no denying it. On March 10, 2004 we found out that we were going to be parents - whether we were ready or not.

We had our first doctor's appointment on March 26. All test & blood work were normal- we even got to have an ultrasound . . . and there it was. That moment we needed. The moment when we saw our 'baby.' It was a moment that I'll never forget - because in that moment, I wasn't worried or scared . . . I was humbled and happy. God had chosen to let us be parents and I was grateful. The 'baby' was measuring at 8 weeks gestation & our due date was set for November 11th. We left & went to lunch and marveled at our little blurry, black & white photo of our little bean. Such a cute little bean. After that point, when the reality of it all began to sink in, we weren't as scared anymore. Sure, there were still moments when we wondered how we would make it . . . but we knew we'd be fine. We even began early on talking about names and nursery decor and strollers. At the end of May {14 weeks}, Brock's brother was graduating high school, so we made the trip back home  for a long weekend and planned an appointment with Janine, {family friend} who was an ultrasound tech - she was going to do an ultrasound for us so my Mom 'could see the baby . . . '
Little did we know how that afternoon would, once again, change our lives . . . .

life in grace . . .

I wasn't planning on posting until after we were through with the holidays, but I felt like I needed to share this.

This is my blog mentor {and someone who I so wish I knew in 'real' life}.Her name is Edie. Her blog has inspired me. It has made me laugh. It has given great ideas for homeschooling and many home decor ideas. If there was ever anyone I've read who seem to enjoy 'home' the way it should be, she is it.

One the Tuesday before Christmas, during the night, Edie, her husband & their children escaped their home {without a scratch} to turn & watch it burn to the ground. A home that they had recently purchased & remodeled.

I've never met Edie. {although I'd really love to!} but I can at least pass on her story & ask you to pray for her family.