I struggle with vulnerability. It's really hard for me to admit to others my struggles, yet I seem to be content with carrying around a whole lot of guilt & shame because I'm afraid of what others might think of me, if I admitted that I'm weak. And tired. all. the. time. And numb. And strongly guarded. Even with my husband & my children.
I can't cook . . .well. I can cook. You know your basics {ie:anything with cream of chicken or cream of mushroom soup} I'd love to be the wife & mom who fed her family super healthy meals for breakfast & dinner. But well, it's expensive & sometimes cereal is easier & eating out means not having to clean up. But, I try. I really make an effort. That's gotta count for something, right?! I resolute to changing this pattern all the time but apparently, I'm bad at keeping resolutions too. Ehh.
I sweat the petty stuff. I will analyze the most insignificant conversations I've had, wondering if I said something stupid, or rude, or weird. In crowds, I feel like everyone is out to get me or staring at me thinking I'm someone who doesn't have it all together. I'm the awkward dork who laughs at the wrong time & nods during conversations when I have no idea what anyone is talking about.
But, rest assured, I do not pet the sweaty stuff.
I wrestle everyday wondering if one.single.small parenting decision I've made will screw my kids up for life. That's when my loving husband reminds me that WE are their parents, so we can pretty much bank on that one.
Things I'm bad at . . . remembering that I have a Savior who's grace is big enough to cover all the things I'm bad at. He's the gap filler.
And He, well . . . He's really good at making good out of bad.
[please excuse the blog break. life=crazy busy right now. i'm resulting to getting back on track . . but we can see from this post, that may not come with any promise ;) ]
